you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
