It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Come share oat with me in your robe
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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