dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
