So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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