It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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