well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize