Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
