I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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