So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
This toilet bowl is my home.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize