I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
