I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
