Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize