Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
