Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
