if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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