Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
