Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize