hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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