we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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