I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
