Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
