We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
