it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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