I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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