oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
