Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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