Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
