Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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