Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
