At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
