My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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