3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
