it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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