She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
