Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
