it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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