'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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