wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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