last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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