so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
