I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
