You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
