and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
