This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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