I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
