So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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