Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
