so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
