do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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