my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
