I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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