i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
