would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
