Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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