He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
