don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize