I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
