So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
