An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
