only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
