Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
