just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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