I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
