I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
