i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My ass is underappreciated
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
