just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
