True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
In America we eat man semen.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
