Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
