ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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