How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
