Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
