It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
