just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
