Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
