Everything about him screamed your future.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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