If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize