You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
