haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
