I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
