my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
