the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
