So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
