Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
