In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
