Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
