Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
