we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
