You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
