i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
