whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
