Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
