please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
