It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
