Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
