lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
