I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
