Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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